My Private Space
By: Jamie Sommers
My Private Space
Chapter Two: Callbacks
Sometimes I just want to shake my dad. I mean…would it be possible
for him to just be my dad when we’re at home? Does he always have to be my
coach?? Okay…deep breath
I tried talking to my dad today about trying something new out, but
he just couldn’t get past me “going left.” And when I tried to explain to him
that I wasn’t talking about basketball… well, it was like he didn’t even hear
me. At first he said something that I thought would really help, he told me
that if my friends laughed at me for trying something new, then maybe they
really weren’t my friends. In the next breath he started talking about practice
today, and how that’s what he meant when he told us to be there for each other.
Leader… He told me I was the leader of our team. And when I tried to tell him
that I wasn’t talking about basketball, he started talking about college scouts
and scholarships. “Focus
There are times when I feel like I’m screaming at the top of my lungs and no one’s listening. Shouldn’t my parents be able to hear me? I guess my dad can’t hear past the sound of people chanting “Wildcats! Wildcats!” and my mom… well she’s my mom. She wouldn’t get it.
I don’t know. I just don’t know…
My dad is going to flip! I got a callback for the school’s musical. I didn’t audition, but Darbus heard Gabriella and me singing and she told Kelsi to work on a song with us for the callbacks.
On one hand, I’m petrified what people are going to say and on the
other… HOLY COW!!! I got a callback! I mean… I can’t believe this. It’s
impossible. I can’t do it. I can’t. But I really want to and I don’t want to
let Gabriella down, but the guys… my dad… I can’t do it. I’ll just have to call
Gabriella and explain to her that… No. No. I’m going to do it. I really like singing.
Actually, I love it. I totally love singing with her, and it’s not just about
her either, it’s about the music. When I’m singing I feel like I’m someone
else. Like the real
Okay… I’m just not going to tell anyone and if anybody asks, I’ll
tell them… yeah… uh… I have no clue what I’ll tell them. How about the truth?
Okay that just isn’t realistic. Can you just imagine me telling
Oh and my dad? Forget it. He’ll probably have a melt down on the court when he finds out. I should probably tell him. Or maybe not.
This is stupid. It’s just an audition, it’s not like I can’t play basketball and sing. I can do both. Can’t I?
All I know is that singing with Gabriella today was ten times better than the first time we sang together. It was just me and her standing around the piano and singing Kelsi’s song, which is really good by the way. And Gabriella, she totally hears me, even when I’m not saying anything. She knew that I was scared of auditioning and that I was worried about what my friends would think, but it didn’t seem to faze her. I mean, she was totally cool with it. She didn’t hold any of that against me. And when we sang together… I swear she could see the real me, and not the guy I try to be for everybody else, but me. When she smiles at me it’s like all of my worries and fears just melt away. There’s this stirring I get in my stomach, a sort of nervousness, that kind of flutters in there. I feel so…so…happy when I’m with her. All I want to do is smile whenever she’s around. I really think I’m…no… I know I’m…I’m falling for her.
I kind of feel better now. Of course, no one knows about the callbacks yet so maybe this sense of security is a bit premature.
Well the entire school found out about the callbacks and the
coolest thing is happening. All sorts of people are letting their real selves
show. Like, did you know that Zeke could bake?? It’s true. All of those cookies
and brownies his ‘mom’ sent to us were actually made by him. He told me after
practice today that he really wants to be a pastry chef. How cool is that??
While everyone was flaking out in the cafeteria about people’s secret obsessions, I put a note in her locker. I asked her to meet me at, what I affectionately call, my secret hang out. I must’ve waited for about an hour…okay maybe it was ten minutes, but it felt like an hour, and there were like a million things going through my mind. All I knew was that I didn’t want to share her with the rest of the school. I just wanted to be alone with her for a little while.
When she walked up the stairs and looked around, her whole face lit up. It’s really pretty up there. There are tons of flowers and plants and the best part is that the guys have no clue it’s there. Whenever I need to escape I just hide out up there, and things don’t seem so bad anymore. Today though, I didn’t really want to hide out from anything, more like… I wanted some privacy with Gabriella.
When she got there I thought maybe she was rethinking the whole being my friend thing. She told me that I had the whole school wired and everyone wanted to be my friend, but when I told her the truth about that… that everybody loves me until I lose a game, she saw the truth in me again. She knew that it was hard for me, being the coach’s son and all, and somewhere in the middle of the small talk, the real talking began.
It was like I could finally confess my true feelings to someone, and everything would be okay. I told her that I was tired of being the ‘basketball guy’ and that I just wanted to be a guy. She thought that I should show my friends the real me. The guy that treated Kelsi with respect, but I told her… to them, I’m the playmaker. I’m the one that’s supposed to make it happen. And then she said something that totally blew me away. She said that my friends don’t know enough about me.
How can someone I just met know me better than I know myself?
She told me that she used to be considered the…what did she call it again? Oh yeah. Freaky math girl. She’s smart. Really smart and I really like that about her. Being here, she said, was cool because she didn’t have to be the freaky math girl anymore, she could just be a girl. I told her she even looked like one too. A beautiful one. I didn’t say that part though.
Singing with me was like being in kindergarten, she said. Because when you were that young, you didn’t have to be anyone but yourself, and that’s how she felt when she was with me. Wow.
I confessed that I had never thought about singing…until her, and that’s when I knew… I was going to do the callbacks. Pretending to be something I’m not, well I do that with everybody else, but I didn’t want to do that with Gabriella. I just wanted to be me, so I agreed to do the callbacks with her, and I can honestly say that I’m looking forward to it. For the first time since…probably kindergarten, I’m doing something for myself and it feels really good.
We only had a few minutes together, but those few minutes was the best time I’ve had since, well since that last time I was with Gabriella.