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The Lord’s Plan

 

By:  kf6tac (Brian) and Jamie Sommers

 

Email: kf6tac@yahoo.com

          Jamiesommers23@hotmail.com

 

Rated: PG-13

 

Synopsis:  This story is about Landon and Jamie’s budding relationship.  They’ve had their first date; Landon has told her he loves her, now they have to face their friends, their family and their own fears.  Written from both Landon (written in bold print by kf6tac/Brian) and Jamie’s (written in italic print by Jamie Sommers) POV.

 

 

 

Chapter 5:  Everything I Feel

 

 

 

 

I was glad that Jamie wanted to go to the school carnival with me.  I personally had never been to one in my four years at Beaufort High School – I was usually out playing pranks on people with Dean.  I figured that it would be a fun event for Jamie and me to go to.  We spent the rest of the afternoon doing homework there on her porch.  Before we knew it, though, the sun was setting.  I knew her father would be home soon and I figured he might not be too happy that I was on his porch.

 

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning at the same time?” I asked Jamie as I gathered up my things.

 

“Yeah, I guess so,” she said with a sigh.  She seemed a little bit… sad.

 

“Hey, cheer up!” I said to her.  “It’s just another twelve hours or so before I’ll be here to get you.”

 

She smiled, and I leaned in to kiss her goodbye.  It started as just another innocent touching of our lips, but I didn’t want to leave and apparently Jamie didn’t want me to go either.  The kiss lingered for a moment, just the two of us not really doing anything.  I moved my right hand from hers to brush her hair away from her cheek, and I caressed her face as our kiss sped up just a bit.  My lips parted slightly against hers, but then that little voice in the back of my head chimed in.  ‘Watch yourself, Carter.  This isn’t just any girl you’re dealing with, it’s Jamie Sullivan.  Don’t over-do things.  You only had your first date two nights ago.  Don’t rush into something you’ll regret later.’

 

Reluctantly, I took my own advice and I broke the kiss.  I picked up my books and looked back at her, wishing I could stay longer.

 

“Have a good evening, Jamie.  Tell your father I said ‘Hi’.”

 

She smiled back as I walked down the steps of her porch.  “I will, Landon.  See you in the morning.”

 

After starting up my car, I waved to her once more through the passenger window.  She waved back as she was shutting her front door, and I drove off with a smile on my face.

 

 

 

We spent the afternoon doing our homework together and while we were working on a few trigonometry problems, I realized something…Landon Carter is smart.  I mean REALLY smart.  I had pieces of scrap paper all over the place and he just looked at the problem and…and just…did it.  If he was trying to impress me…it worked.

 

Before we knew it the sun was starting to go down and it was time to say goodnight. 

 

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning at the same time?” He started to gather up his things and I began wishing that he would stay with me until my father came home. 

 

“Yeah, I guess so.”

 

“Hey, cheer up!  It’s just another twelve hours or so before I’ll be here to get you.”

 

‘Twelve hours,’ I smiled and thought, ‘guess that’s not so bad.’ 

 

Our kiss goodbye started off like all the rest of our kisses, soft and simple, but then…Ahhh, he touched my face and I was lost.  Just the feel of his fingers brushing across my cheeks was enough to send shivers down my spine.  I could tell he didn’t want it to end, that he wanted more.  He parted his lips a little and I could feel his breath turn to steam against my closed ones.  My father’s thoughts popped into my head, ‘boys like that have…expectations.’  Then he proved daddy wrong and pulled away.  When he did I immediately thought, ‘God please forgive me.  Why couldn’t he have proved daddy right?’

 

I could see the sun begin to set, the moon’s outline was beginning to show and my father was going to be here any minute.  It was time for him to go.

 

I watched him drive away and waved from my door, laying my head against it after it was closed.  Suddenly I felt this surge of loneliness that I had never felt in all my life, come over me and twelve hours seemed like a lifetime.

 

 

 

‘It’s late Jamie.  Too late.  Don’t call.  He only left here a few hours ago.’  I kept chiding myself the entire time I walked downstairs—in the dark—to get the cordless phone and bring it back up to my room.  I dialed his number and told myself once again that it was almost 11pm and it was exceptionally rude to be calling someone at that time of night.  ‘Okay…if he doesn’t pick up the phone by the second ring I’ll just hang up.’  But before the first ring even finished…

 

“Hello?” 

 

“Hello.” I heard him catch his breath.

 

 “Jamie???”

 

“Yeah.  Hi.”

 

“Hi.  This is weird…I was just going to call you.”  In fact my hand had already been on the phone when it rang.  Scared me half to death actually.

 

“You were?”  It kind of surprised me that I was on his mind that late at night.  I figured he would already be asleep.

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“Well it’s a good thing you didn’t.  My dad would’ve had a fit.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what I was telling myself too.”

 

“So why were you going to call me?” She asked.

 

“I don’t know…just to say goodnight, I guess.  Why’d you call me?"

 

I wanted to tell him,  ‘Because I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep unless I heard your voice,’ but I didn’t.  Instead I told him, “I miss you.”

 

“Oh,” he was so quiet when he admitted, “I miss you too.”

 

“Is this stupid, Landon?  I mean...you just left here a few hours ago.”

 

“No, it’s not stupid.”  His voice almost sounded like he was in pain. “I’ve been wanting to call you since I walked into my house tonight.”

 

“Isn’t it funny how a few weeks ago neither one of us thought about the other person like this, and now…” I knew it wasn’t fair to do, but…I was sort of fishing…you know…to see how long he’d been feeling this way.

 

“Actually,” he confessed, “I was pretty much thinking about you all the time a few weeks ago too.”

 

“You were?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Oh.  I didn’t know.  I thought…”

 

“I know I was a jerk to you back then, but I never wanted to hurt you.  I could just kick myself for some of the things I said to you.”  I could actually have done a lot more than kick myself.  From that minute she shut the door in my face, all I could think about was her and what a jerk I was.

 

“If it’ll make you feel better, I was thinking about you all the time too.”

 

“You were??”

 

“Uh, huh.  Even after you acted like a complete jerk to me.”

 

“I’m so sorry Jamie.”

 

“Landon, I was just teasing you.  Look it’s in the past, okay?”

 

“Okay.  So…whatta ya doin’?”

 

 

We talked for almost two hours about…well about everything. 

 

“Do you remember the second grade?”

 

“Yeah.  You and I sat right next to each other.”

 

“Did we ever talk to each other?”

 

“Nope.  Oh, wait a minute,” he remembered.  “We did talk to each other.  Once I think, maybe twice.  I used up the last of my pencils and I asked you if I could borrow one.”

 

I laughed at the memory and said, “If we only knew then what we know now.”

 

“No kidding.”

 

 

“…she spent almost an entire hour complaining about how you weren’t supposed to kiss me in the play and that you thought you were, ‘God’s gift to women.’”

 

“If she only knew the truth.”

 

“What truth?”

 

“About me being God’s gift to women.  I’m far from it.”  If I were God’s gift to women… I could’ve at least been fair to Belinda when we broke up.  She wouldn’t have been so angry, and she wouldn’t be causing problems for Jamie and me now.

 

“But, Landon…you’re God’s gift to this woman.”

 

 

“…then I told him, ‘I thought I saw something in you.  Something good.  I was very wrong.’ ” 

 

“Sounds like pretty sound advice to me.”  I couldn’t believe he used the same words on Eric that I used on him.  It made me feel like I actually had an impact on him.  ‘Well, you must’ve Jamie,’ I thought, ‘ and he’s obviously had one on you.  Why else would you be whispering to him on the phone in the middle of the night?’

 

“Yeah, I borrowed it from this girl I know.”

 

“Do you think Eric’ll come around?”

 

“I don’t know.  I hope so.”  He sounded so sad.  I hated the thought of him losing his friends because of me.

 

“Landon, do you ever regret asking me out?”

 

“NO!  Absolutely not.  Look Jaime, like I told them, if they were my real friends then they would just accept us, but they didn’t and I don’t know if they ever will.”

 

“I’m sorry Landon.”

 

“Don’t be.  They were helping me get nowhere fast and those aren’t the kind of people I want to be surrounded by, okay?”  I remembered the night when we pulled that prank on Clay Gephardt.  Nope.  The only place they had gotten me was into a wrecked car and jail.

 

“Okay.”

 

“As far as Eric goes…well, I’m still keeping my fingers crossed about him.  I think he’ll come around…eventually.  He’s not a bad guy, and he can still go on to do a lot if he just tries.”

 

I had the phone propped between my head and my pillow.  My right arm was relaxed and lying above my head.  I kept thinking about Landon’s kiss and his hand brushing the hair off of my cheek. Picturing his face in my mind, wondering what he was thinking.

 

“What’re thinking about?” He asked me in a strangled whisper.

 

“About you,” I sighed. 

 

“What about me?”  I didn’t realize that I qualified as ‘thinking’ material.  It seemed like most people in Beaufort didn’t think much of me.  The way Jamie had said it though… so honestly and openly… I knew she really was.  It made me feel great.

 

“I was thinking about your kiss goodbye.  About the way you touched my face.  You always make me feel…pretty.”

 

I could just picture her there, lying in her bedroom with the phone in her hands.  I didn’t have to be there to feel the softness of her skin, to take in the scent of her hair.  I knew she was probably already in her pajamas, but that too was just another good thought.  Jamie never made a point of dressing to be flashy, and I knew that even in her pajamas she would be the beautiful, perfect woman she was.  I loved everything about Jamie – the way she walked, the way her hair fell so smoothly down her shoulders, the way her eyes twinkled when she smiled… the way she made me feel whenever we were together.  I missed her, and I wanted to be with her again.  Right that instant.  Even though I myself had said it wasn’t all that long a few hours earlier, Tuesday morning felt like such a long ways off.  All I wanted was to be back with Jamie again, holding her hand and smiling with her.

 

“You are pretty.” 

 

“No, I’m not.”

 

“Jamie, you’re beautiful.”

 

“Why is it every time you say that to me, I believe you?”

 

“Probably because it’s true.  You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”

 

“You make me feel beautiful.”  My whole life my father always told me that beauty was in the eye of the beholder.  If this were true, then Landon wasn’t lying when he said I was the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.  The way he looks at me…

 

“I wish I could kiss you right now.”  I would be okay, right?  I knew I couldn’t let myself lose control…

 

“So do I.”  As much as I wished it, I knew it wouldn’t have been a very smart idea.  I know I shouldn’t be thinking about him kissing me this much.  It was a sin…or was it?  I just didn’t know anymore.  I did know one thing, it was getting harder and harder for me to pull away, to keep our kisses chaste…to keep my head out of the clouds every time his lips touched mine.

 

We were both quiet for a long time, and then Landon said, “It’s almost 1:00am.  We should probably hang up.”

 

“Probably,” I said, not wanting to, but knowing it was for the best.

 

“See ya in a few hours.”

 

“ ‘kay.  Goodnight Landon.”

 

“ G’night Jamie.  I love you.”  Jamie didn’t say it back that night on the phone, but I could hear her… feel her smiling on the other end as we hung up.  It was enough to make me happy.

 

 

“ G’night Jamie.  I love you.” He said it so softly that I could feel my chest tightening.  My stomach started to flutter and I couldn’t help but smile as I felt a feeling of such complete and utter happiness wash over me. 

 

I wanted to say it too, ‘I love you, Landon.’  Just to let him know that he wasn’t in love all by himself and I wondered if he knew.  Did he know that whenever he walked into a room my heart would skip a beat?  Whenever he kissed me, I could feel it shooting through my whole body like electricity coursing through my veins.  When I looked at him the whole world seemed to stop, all my troubles just melted away.  I didn’t feel sick when I was with him, I felt blessed, so blessed and I just kept wondering, ‘do you know how much I love you, Landon?  You know…I think I can sleep now.’

 

 

 

The next morning, I stood once again at Jamie’s front door waiting to take her to school.  Her father had answered when I rang the doorbell (again), but this time Jamie was passing by in the hallway behind him.

 

“Hey Landon, I’ll be just a minute!” she called as she walked quickly up the stairs.

 

‘Great,’ I thought to myself.  Turning to her father, I asked him “And how are you this morning, Reverend?”

 

He looked at me for a minute, and I guess he decided he would take me seriously because he said to me, “I’m fine Mr. Carter, thank you.”

 

There was an awkward silence before he spoke up again.  “I understand that you’re planning to take my daughter to the school carnival this Friday.”

 

I don’t know what it was about the man that got me nervous whenever Jamie came up, but I was starting to sweat again.  “Yes sir,” I replied.  “That is, if it’s alright with you.”

 

“Jamie asked me last night if it would be alright.  Just be sure to have her home by ten o’clock.  No later.”

 

“Not a problem, sir.”  We both heard Jamie’s footsteps on the stairwell.  ‘Not a minute too soon,’ I thought.

 

“Oh and Mr. Carter, one more thing,” Reverend Sullivan said, turning back toward the door for a moment.  “Nothing funny on Friday night, you understand me?”

 

“Perfectly.”

 

“Alright Landon, you ready to go?” Jamie asked as she reached the foot of the stairs.

 

“Yep.  Let’s get a move-on.”

 

 

 

I was running just a little late this morning.  I kinda overslept a bit, ‘gee…I wonder why?’  I smiled at the memory of our phone call last night.  It was, up until that point, one of the most intimate moments of my life, and he wasn’t even in the same room with me. 

 

I could hear my dad and him talking—not about what though—but I knew that daddy was probably grilling Landon about taking me out of Friday night.  I sighed and thought, ‘fathers…’

 

“Alright Landon, you ready to go?” I raced down the stairs as quickly as I could without seeming too obvious; I needed to save Landon from my father’s overprotective parenting.

 

“Yep.  Let’s get a move-on.”

 

He opened the car door for me and then we drove off.  We got all of two blocks away from my house when he pulled the car abruptly to the side of the road.

 

“Landon is everything all ri…” and then he kissed me.  It wasn’t anything like the others we’ve shared before.  This one was hard and desperate.  His hands squeezed the sides of my head and his fingers dug into my hair as he kissed me over and over again.  I kept telling myself, ‘you should stop him, Jamie.  This isn’t right.’  But how could something that felt so good, be wrong?  I lifted my hands to his arms with every intention of pushing myself back but instead I pulled him closer.  He opened his lips again and I could feel his hesitation, but then he poked his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and licked my closed lips.  ‘Don’t open your mouth Jamie.  If you do, you’ll be sorry.  Just a little, I’ll just open it a little…’ his tongue flicked against mine and suddenly this hard and desperate kiss turned into a gentle, timid one.  I had to pull away.  It’s not that he was pressuring me; it’s just that I knew the only one that would stop it would be me, now if only I could muster up the courage to do that.  We both pulled apart at the same time.  Our breathing was a lot heavier than it had been a few seconds ago.

 

He laid his forehead against mine and told me, “I’ve been dying to do that for weeks.”

 

“You have?”

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“We really shouldn’t be kissing each other like that Landon.”  I said it, but I didn’t mean it.

 

He brushed his lips against my cheeks and said, “I know I shouldn’t have, but I just couldn’t help it.  It’s just so hard Jamie.  It’s so hard to…” he kissed my other cheek, “…pull away from you.” 

 

I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.  I just closed my eyes and melted from the touch of his lips against my face.  He kissed me everywhere but on my mouth—my eyelids, the tip of my nose, my jaw.  When he reached my ear he whispered, “I’m sorry…just once, I promise.  It was just this once.  I’ll try not to do this again.”

 

He pulled back and looked at me, “Forgive me?”

 

“There’s nothing to forgive.”  We just sat there and looked at each other for a few seconds.  We both knew he would do everything in his power to try and keep that promise, but deep down inside we both wished he didn’t have to.

 

 

As soon as Jamie shut the door to the car on her side, we were off.  It’s not that I was in a hurry to get away from her father, and we weren’t late to school either.  It was just that since the phone conversation we had the night before, I couldn’t get my mind off of her.  I had even dreamed about her.  She was so beautiful, so amazing.  All I wanted to do at that moment was…

 

I pulled the car to the side of the road a few blocks away from her house.  Jamie started to ask me if anything was wrong, but before she could finish I was already kissing her.  And not just another gentle peck on her lips.  This one was… something that had been building up inside of me for weeks – even before the play.  I cradled her face in both of my hands, running my fingers through her hair as I kissed her.  Our lips were locked, but even as I kissed her a part of me was screaming out, ‘Landon, stop!  This is Jamie… you have to take your time with her.  Don’t make her feel pressured.’  Even so, I parted my lips against hers.  I briefly thought about listening to that voice in my head… but then I flicked my tongue against her closed lips.  I felt her pull me in closer, and to my surprise she opened her lips just a little.  Our tongues touched just briefly, but when they did all the intensity and bottled-up desire I had been feeling just melted away.  The kiss slowed down, and slowly but surely I started coming back to reality.  Realizing that I had just spent the past several minutes pulled over to the side of the road, kissing Jamie, I started to pull away from her.  She apparently had a similar idea, as we mutually ended the kiss.

 

“I’ve been dying to do that for weeks,” I told her.

 

“You have?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“We really shouldn’t be kissing each other like that Landon,” she said to me somewhat nervously.

 

“I know I shouldn’t have,” I replied, kissing her cheeks.  “But I couldn’t help it.  It’s just so hard Jamie.  It’s so hard to pull away from you.”

 

It was the truth, unfortunately.  Between her father and the others at school, it was like we were living under constant observation.  Even the smallest kisses, the shortest embrace, would be remembered by somebody and used against us later.  I just had so much love, desire, and passion for Jamie… and I wasn’t allowed to get it out.  ‘Can’t a man just have some time with the woman he loves?  Is that so much to ask?’ I wondered.  But I guess for the time being it was, because we needed to get to school.  If I kept the car sitting there any longer we would be late.

 

I promised Jamie that I would try really hard not to kiss her like I just had again.  I asked her to forgive me, but she said there was nothing to forgive.  I guess it wasn’t all bad for her either…