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You’re Still You

 

By: Jamie Sommers

 

Email: jamiesommers23@hotmail.com

 

Rated: P/G

 

Date: September 2002

 

Synopsis:  A songfic from Jamie’s POV about the guilt she felt by deceiving Landon.

 

Disclaimer:  You’re Still You – performed by Josh Groban.  It is not owned by me… for if it were… I’d be rich!!

 

Dedication:  HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGPIE!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Through the darkness
I can see your light

And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you

 

Frightened.  I was petrified when I first realized how I felt about you.  I was sure that I would get over it.  That is was just a silly, childish notion.  I couldn’t be in love with you.  You and I were not meant to be.  We’re so different.  So horribly different.  We live two completely different lives. 

 

Try as I may I couldn’t help but fall.  I saw a side of you I knew you had never shown to anyone else.  You weren’t afraid to be you when we were together.  Every moment we spent in each other’s presence just cemented my feelings for you, but could you feel this way too? 

 

The day you finally succumbed to your emotions was the happiest…scariest day of my life.  You had finally told me.  If I close my eyes I can hear your soft voice saying, “I love you.”  I wanted to scream out, “NO!”  Wanted to but…  My head kept telling me, you’re getting in too deep.  You’re falling in love with him and you shouldn’t be.  You’ve got too much in your life to deal with.  You’ve got responsibilities and lets face it… you’re not the healthiest of individuals.  Then there’s the social structure to account for.  You…plus me?  It could never work.  Two different worlds.  We come from two different worlds. 

 

I’m sitting here picturing your face at that moment.  Your eyes.  I can see it in your eyes without even looking at them.  You love me.  Oh God help me.  You love me.  Yes… and I love you too. 

 

I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you

I couldn’t say it at first.  Just couldn’t, but I felt it.  I could feel it right down to my very core.  Even when I was struggling with myself… trying to figure out what to do, I could feel your love flowing through me. 

 

I ran once.  I ran away.  I just left you standing there after dealing you an enormous blow and I knew it was wrong of me.  I shouldn’t have done that to you.  I should’ve stayed and worked it out, but… I was just too scared of the outcome.  I couldn’t bear it if you had told me you didn’t love me.  If you had left me.  So I ran.  The funny thing is, even if you had broken my heart, I would still love you.  Always.  Forever.  How could I not?  You are after all… you. 

 

I think about the things I fell in love with and I try to put my finger on it, but I just can’t.  There isn’t one single thing I can come up with other than the way you make me feel about myself.  I’ve never been beautiful… until your eyes looked upon my face.  I’ve never been wanted… until you touched my hand.  I’ve never been cherished nor adored… until you opened up my heart and rushed in. 

 

Don’t blame me for loving you.  You made it so easy.  You made it so simple to fall.  All you had to do was open your mouth and talk to make me laugh.  Smile at me to bring joy into my life.  You danced with me when no one else would.  You brought me out of my shell and taught me to live again.  You… oh my love… you are by far the best person I’ve ever known.
 

 

You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all
You're still you

 

I know I hurt you.  It was unavoidable.  Many times I listened to myself lie to you by omitting the truth.  My heart kept telling me to stop, but my head just couldn’t find the right words.  I knew I would break your heart the moment I told you about me.  Causing you pain was the last thing I intended on doing.  All I had ever wanted for you was simply the best life had to offer.  But I’m not the best.  I’ve got nothing of a life to offer you.  No sort of hope for a future. 

 

I needed to see you again.  I needed to let you know how very much I loved you.  To tell you that facing life without you scared me.  I prayed that you would find a way to let me back into your life… into your heart… into your soul.  I didn’t deserve it.  I didn’t deserve the opportunity to spend my life loving you.  You should’ve been able to give yourself to someone that could offer you forever… but my forever is non-existent.  My forever is almost gone. 

 

The day I finally gave into my true feelings.  The day I faced you… I faced us.  I realize that I would give anything for that one moment to last forever.  I remember thinking, ‘Please let it always be now.’


I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through

 

Disappointment is what I expected.  I was certain that you wouldn’t forgive me, but you did.  You surprised me… shocked me.  You held onto me and you didn’t let go.  You believed in our love. You trusted in it. 

 

You shouldn’t have to do this.  You shouldn’t have to spend a lifetime regretting the choice you made when you chose me.  You shouldn’t have to spend the rest of your life alone because of me, yet you choose to be.  You chose me.  You chose to believe in our love until the end of time. 

 

Loneliness will ensue one day and when it does I’ll watch over you and try to guide you.  It will hurt me not being there to hold your hand for all of your triumphs and tribulations but I’ll forever be in your heart.  As life hands you challenges and setbacks, I’ll be there to support and encourage.  As life shows you joy and jubilation, I’ll be there in spirit, to laugh and celebrate. 

And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all
You're still you

 

That first day… the moment you told me… “I love you.”  My life began.  How could I not love you?  You are after all… you.

 

You… Always… Forever… You.