Before
Your Love
By: Jamie
Sommers
Email: jamiesommers23@hotmail.com
Rated: P/G
Synopsis:
Songfic based on Kelly Clarkson’s Before Your Love. Jamie’s thoughts on her
wedding day.
Before Your Love
I wonder how I ever made it thought a
day
How did I settle for a world in shades
of gray
When you go in circles all the scenery
looks the same
And you don’t know why
And I look into your eyes
Where the road stretched out in front
of me
And I realized
God had been
there for me throughout my life as well as my father and I tried not to
question the choices that either one of them made for me in my lifetime. I was always happy with the little things. Singing in the choir was the highlight of my
week. Singing His praises brought more
joy to me than anything ever did… until you.
I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel
alive
But then again I wasn’t really living
I never lived before your love
When I got
diagnosed with leukemia I went through a various amount of stages. Anger, confusion, acceptance, and that’s when
I made my list. I looked at what I had
done in my life and realized that there was still so much left for me to
do. So many things that I yet to
accomplish, but I was determined to do more with my life than jut the
basics. I had to live a lifetime’s worth
in jus a few short years. I thought
about what really mattered to me, and what didn’t. My list started with the basic thing every
young girl wants. To
marry in the church where my parents got married. When I wrote that down I remembered thinking
at the time, ‘I hope I get the opportunity to fall in love like my mom and dad
did’. I think I was more in love with the
idea of being in love than anything else.
My list continued with silly things that I had always wanted to do and
serious things that I had ho9ped I could do.
To make a medical discovery…to cure leukemia. It was never written down, but it’s what I
meant. I wanted to hit a homerun, to
visit the Sistine chapel, to watch the sunset over the water, to own my own
home, to befriend someone I didn’t like, to experience my first kiss, to get a
tattoo, to witness a miracle.
I wanted more than just an ordinary
life
All of my dreams seemed like castles in
the sky
I stand before you and my heart is in
your hands
And I don’t know how
I survived without your kiss
Cause you’re giving me a reason to
exist
When you
entered my life I had never expected what I got. I never knew it could be that god. I remember your kiss, our first kiss. I opened my eyes and I swear I could feel the
moon’s beams caressing my skin. The hairs
on the back of my neck stood up when you brushed your lips against my forehead
and when you said those words, “I love you,” I thought at that very moment,
that nothing on my list mattered anymore.
Those words coming from you had been my number one and I didn’t even
know it. To explain what you did for me
in that moment would be close to impossible.
I can’t even explain it to myself.
I felt so many things in that moment, but mostly I felt frightened. How could
God do this to me? How could He show me
this kind of love knowing that I’ll never be able to fully explore it? That I’d never be able to allow you to love
me the way you’d want to, the way I’d want you to. I was certain that this new love would bring
us nothing but heartache. Oh how wrong I was.
I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel
alive
But then again I wasn’t really living
I never lived before your love
I
never lived before your love
I found myself
waking up that very next day, feeling the warmth of the sun against my face,
before my alarm clock rang. I felt alive
that day. Rejuvenated in a way that I had
never known to be possible. Suddenly I had
a purpose. Suddenly I wanted to
rejoice. He loves me. HE LOVES ME!!
My shower that day left me feeling a little more refreshed. Breakfast tasted better. Morning chores didn’t seem so tedious. I felt an anxiousness
deep within me as the clocked ticked, bringing you closer to me. Less than twelve hours ago I was sure that
your profession of love was nothing but a big mistake, and now I pray that you
say it again. That you show me again,
with your soft kiss, your gentle touch, and your warm smile. When you arrived that morning you took my
hand and when your fingers threaded through mine I felt as though you were an
extension of me.
And I don’t know why
Why the sun decides to shine
That you breathe your love into me just
in time
Did you know
how close I was to letting this disease take over my being? With one kiss you brought me back to life.
I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel
alive
But then again I wasn’t really living
I never lived before your love
I never lived before your love
Standing before
you today I know now that it doesn’t matter how long my life is, all that
matters is what I experience in that time.
I’ve’ lived a wonderful life. My
list isn’t even half checked off, there’s still so much out there that I have
yet to accomplish, but I’ve achieved the impossible so none of those other
things matter. I found a love in the
most unexpected of places. I found it in
you. I found it in me. I’ve taught children to read, I’ve helped the
homeless, I’ve sung the Lord’s praises and helped my
father to preach His word. I’ve tried to
be the best person I could be and I was pretty sure I had accomplished this
before you entered the picture. How
wrong I was. You’ve made me a better
person Landon. You’ve made me tremble
with desire with one simple touch, cower with fear from not being with you,
smile during the toughest moments of my life, triumph when I was sure I would
fail. You’ve taught me about myself and
that person I wanted to be, the person I thought I was and the person I’ve
become. I face the future knowing that
this road ahead of us may be short, but it will be fulfilling. The path in front of me is no longer paved
with a certainty of death, but with hopes of an enchanting future and the
knowledge of a perfect life.