CRY
I’ll always remember…
Looking over his shoulder
to make sure he wouldn’t block anyone’s view, Landon Carter got up out of
his seat in the dimmed movie theater and headed up the aisle toward the door.
Dan and Julia, Landon’s friends from college who were there with him, were
startled to see him get up and Julia reached out to grab hold of Landon’s
arm.
“What’re you doing?”
Julia demanded in a hushed whisper, trying not to draw attention to the three
of them.
“I’m getting out of
here.”
“Why? The movie
isn’t finished.”
“Look, I gotta go.
I’m sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
With that, Landon pulled
his arm free of her hand and continued walking to the back of the room.
Julia looked at Dan, both of them puzzled. Dan shrugged, saying “Don’t
ask me. I’ll talk to him later. Let’s just finish this movie.”
In the lobby of the
movie theater, Landon sat down on a bench and rubbed his eyes.
‘What in the world was
I thinking, going to that movie?’ Landon asked himself. ‘I should’ve
known better than to go to a movie called Autumn in New York. Or at
least I should’ve read the reviews.’ Landon shut his eyes, trying to
hold back the tears that were welling up. If he had read the reviews,
he thought to himself, he would have at least realized it was going to be
about a man falling in love with a girl who had a life-threatening heart
condition. Shaking his head, Landon got up and headed out the double-doors.
It was late afternoon…
When he got outside,
Landon blinked a few times to get used to the light. It may have been
dark inside the theater, but outside the sun was shining as brightly as it
did any summer’s day in Beaufort. Summer - it used to be his favorite
season of the year, with no school to keep him in during the evenings and
he could go out with his buddies all the time. At least that was the
way it used to be, before Jamie. After his one amazing summer with
Jamie, nothing ever seemed quite the same anymore. All the sunlight
in the world couldn’t completely light up those dark and lonely days for
Landon.
It lasted forever,
and ended so soon…
Landon looked around
and saw couples walking out of the theater, men and women who were probably
there to enjoy a good movie with each other. ‘Time to go,’ Landon thought
to himself. He walked down the street to where his red Chevrolet Camaro
was parked. It had received a new paint job after the last car accident
he had been in, and it no longer had the distinctive double white stripe
running across the top.
You were all by
yourself, staring up at a dark gray sky…
Landon settled into
the seats and put on his seat belt, pulling the car away from the curb and
onto the street.
I was changed…
He turned the radio
on at the red light, setting himself right in the middle of U2’s song “Walk
On.”
And if the darkness
is to keep us apart,
And if the daylight
feels like it’s a long ways off,
And if your glass
heart should crack
And for a second
you turn back,
Oh no, be strong.
Oh oh, walk on.
Landon reached over
and clicked the radio off again. ‘Walk on,’ he thought to himself.
He chuckled softly, considering the irony of his situation. ‘Easier
said than done, guys.’ It had only been a year since Jamie had died.
But when Landon thought about it, “only” wasn’t really the appropriate term.
That one year had been long and agonizing, filled with sorrow and loss.
He was lonely all the time, even when he was surrounded with new and interesting
people like the ones he met in college. Even the smallest things would
remind him of Jamie. When his history class talked about the 1920s
and prohibition, all Landon could do was think back to Thornton’s Way and
the time they had spent together rehearsing. Every time the breeze
blew through his hair when he was outside, Landon heard Jamie’s voice telling
him that faith is “like the wind…” Landon didn’t take any astronomy
at school, because he knew he would be too busy remembering the nights he
and Jamie spent in the cemetery looking through her telescope to actually
learn anything. Choking back tears, Landon gripped the steering wheel
tightly as he pulled up to his house.
In places no one
will find, all your feelings so deep inside…
It was
then that I realized that forever was in your eyes…
The moment
I saw you cry.
Landon put his car into park and
walked across the front yard. He opened the door and stepped inside,
looking around the home he had come to know. It was never really the
same, walking in and finding no one there. Each time he walked through
that front door he would expect to see Jamie, sitting on the couch waiting
for him or maybe putting up a new picture somewhere on the wall. Landon
hated the emptiness he now felt, the knowledge that he was the only person
in the house. When he closed his eyes, he could just hear her voice
greeting him and feel her arms wrapping around him. But when he opened
his eyes again, there was nothing - just him, and the furniture. Landon
slowly walked up the stairs, wishing every step of the way that this was
just a bad dream and that he would wake up with Jamie next to him.
But he knew it wouldn’t be. He had made that same wish enough times
to know better.
It was late in
September…
Landon got into the
master bedroom and walked over to the foot of the bed. He reached to
the television and VCR sitting against the wall, hitting the “Play” button
on the VCR. As he slid to the floor with his back leaning against the
bed, Landon remembered explaining to Jamie when they first moved in that
the television and VCR were “guy necessities.” The video cassette came
to life on the screen shortly. At first the images were just a blur,
someone trying to adjust the camera.
And I’d seen you
before…
Then two figures appeared
on-screen: Landon and Jamie. The video had been made on one of Jamie’s
better days, while the two of them were out taking a walk. Eric had
been out testing out the video camera, his latest tech gadget. He had
given the video to Landon a few days later. As Landon watched the images
on his television, he flashed back to that day only a little more than a
year ago.
You were always
the cool one…
They hadn’t really planned
anything to be on the video, they were just being themselves. They
had chased each other through the small courtyard of Eric’s apartment complex,
Landon at one point catching Jamie in a big bear hug.
But I was never
that sure…
Jamie’s playful side
came out on the video too, with her blowing kisses to the camera and hiding
shyly behind the entrance to the apartment.
You were all by
yourself, staring up at a dark gray sky…
Landon wiped his eyes
to clear out the tears that were forming as he remembered those days.
He had felt so complete, so happy. The world hadn’t mattered when Jamie
was with him. Oh, how he longed for those days to be back. He
shut off the VCR, afraid that he would begin crying openly if he didn’t.
As he was walking down to the first floor again, he got a phone call from
his dad. After talking to him for an hour or so, Landon hung up the
phone and looked out the window. The sun had set recently, and the
first stars were starting to appear. He walked through the kitchen
to get to the back porch, but he couldn’t help stopping briefly in the kitchen.
It felt like only yesterday he had swept Jamie into his arms, carrying her
through the kitchen on their wedding day to show her the amenities.
He could remember everything, from the sound of her voice to the smell of
her hair. A police siren a few blocks away snapped Landon out of his
trance though, and he went on to the back porch. Jamie’s telescope
had been there since they first moved in.
I was changed…
He tilted the telescope
up toward the sky, looking at the first stars of the night. He often
sat out on the porch for hours when he was lonely, just looking up at the
sky and thinking of Jamie. Tonight was one of those nights.
In places no one
will find, all your feelings so deep inside…
It was
then that I realized that forever was in your eyes,
The moment
I saw you cry.
About an hour or so
after the sunset, Landon moved the telescope and looked into it again.
“There you are,” Landon
said to no one in particular.
And I wanted to
hold you… I wanted to make it go away.
Through the eyepiece
of the telescope, Jamie’s star twinkled, as if replying to his greeting.
Landon was happy to see that the star shone brightly. It felt to him
like one of those pieces of Jamie he could still see. Even though she
was gone, the star was still there. When Landon looked at the star,
it was almost like Jamie was there, looking back on him.
I wanted to know
you… I wanted to make your every thing…
All right
Landon smiled, adjusting
the focus on the lens. Landon looked in again, but this time he was
in for a surprise. A bright light flashed in front of Jamie’s star,
and for a moment he saw her - he saw Jamie.
I’ll always remember
. . .
Somewhat startled, Landon
pulled his head back from the telescope. He looked up into the sky,
but she wasn’t there.
‘Leave it to me to delude
myself,’ Landon thought as he got up from the telescope. ‘I guess I’ve
had a little too much for one night. Time for bed.’
It was late afternoon…
Landon fell backwards
onto the bed he and Jamie had shared. He shut his eyes, but all he
could think about was that brief moment when he saw Jamie in the sky.
Tears escaped from the corners of his eyes. He would have given anything
for just a few moments with her, a chance to hear her voice again and to
hold her in his arms. He told Jamie that he loved her each and every
day, but what he really wanted was to tell her in person. Each night
he prayed to God for an answer to his loneliness, and Landon hoped an answer
would come soon.
In places no one
will find, all your feelings so deep inside;
It was
then that I realized that forever was in your eyes,
The moment
I saw you cry.
As Landon slept, shooting
stars streaked across the sky outside his window. Landon’s dreams were
filled with memories of Jamie, and he kept seeing that same vision of her
superimposed across the starry night sky. He heard her singing “Only
Hope,” the song she had been singing when he realized he was in love with
her their senior year.
Sing to me the song
of the stars,
Of your galaxy
dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels
like my dreams are so far,
Sing to me of
the plans that you have for me over again.
When Landon woke up,
the sunlight was shining through his window again. He glanced over
at the clock on his nightstand. 8:30A.M.
Baby cry, moment
that I saw you cry… Oh no, no…
I think
I saw you cry
His friends would be
at his door in half an hour, just enough time for him to get cleaned up and
dressed. He had one more thing to take care of first though.
Landon walked over to
his bookshelf and looked at the framed photo of Jamie.
“Good morning, Jamie.
I love you.”
The moment I saw
you cry…
I wanted
to know you… I wanted to know you….
Credits: The “guy
necessities” line comes from the fan fiction “A Perfect Summer” by Jamie
Sommers.
The lyrics in
bold italics are from “Cry”, written by James Renald and performed by Mandy
Moore.
“Walk On” can
be found on U2’s album “All That You Can’t Leave Behind”
“Only Hope” was
written by Jonathan Foreman