By: Jamie
Sommers
Email: jamiesommers23@hotmail.com
Rated: P/G
Date:
September 2002
Synopsis: A songfic from Jamie’s POV about the guilt
she felt by deceiving Landon.
Disclaimer: You’re Still You – performed by Josh
Groban. It is not owned by me… for if
it were… I’d be rich!!
Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you
Frightened. I was petrified when I first realized how I
felt about you. I was sure that I would
get over it. That is was just a silly,
childish notion. I couldn’t be in love
with you. You and I were not meant to
be. We’re so different. So horribly different. We live two completely different lives.
Try as I may I couldn’t help
but fall. I saw a side of you I knew
you had never shown to anyone else. You
weren’t afraid to be you when we were together. Every moment we spent in each other’s presence just cemented my
feelings for you, but could you feel this way too?
The day you finally succumbed
to your emotions was the happiest…scariest day of my life. You had finally told me. If I close my eyes I can hear your soft
voice saying, “I love you.” I wanted to
scream out, “NO!” Wanted to but… My head kept telling me, you’re getting in
too deep. You’re falling in love with
him and you shouldn’t be. You’ve got
too much in your life to deal with.
You’ve got responsibilities and lets face it… you’re not the healthiest
of individuals. Then there’s the social
structure to account for. You…plus
me? It could never work. Two different worlds. We come from two different worlds.
I’m sitting here picturing your
face at that moment. Your eyes. I can see it in your eyes without even
looking at them. You love me. Oh God help me. You love me. Yes… and I
love you too.
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you
I couldn’t say it at
first. Just couldn’t, but I felt
it. I could feel it right down to my
very core. Even when I was struggling
with myself… trying to figure out what to do, I could feel your love flowing
through me.
I ran once. I ran away.
I just left you standing there after dealing you an enormous blow and I
knew it was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have
done that to you. I should’ve stayed
and worked it out, but… I was just too scared of the outcome. I couldn’t bear it if you had told me you
didn’t love me. If you had left
me. So I ran. The funny thing is, even if you had broken my heart, I would
still love you. Always. Forever.
How could I not? You are after all…
you.
I think about the things I fell
in love with and I try to put my finger on it, but I just can’t. There isn’t one single thing I can come up
with other than the way you make me feel about myself. I’ve never been beautiful… until your eyes
looked upon my face. I’ve never been
wanted… until you touched my hand. I’ve
never been cherished nor adored… until you opened up my heart and rushed in.
Don’t blame me for loving
you. You made it so easy. You made it so simple to fall. All you had to do was open your mouth and
talk to make me laugh. Smile at me to
bring joy into my life. You danced with
me when no one else would. You brought
me out of my shell and taught me to live again. You… oh my love… you are by far the best person I’ve ever known.
You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all
You're still you
I know I hurt you. It was unavoidable. Many times I listened to myself lie to you
by omitting the truth. My heart kept
telling me to stop, but my head just couldn’t find the right words. I knew I would break your heart the moment I
told you about me. Causing you pain was
the last thing I intended on doing. All
I had ever wanted for you was simply the best life had to offer. But I’m not the best. I’ve got nothing of a life to offer
you. No sort of hope for a future.
I needed to see you again. I needed to let you know how very much I
loved you. To tell you that facing life
without you scared me. I prayed that
you would find a way to let me back into your life… into your heart… into your
soul. I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve the opportunity to spend my
life loving you. You should’ve been
able to give yourself to someone that could offer you forever… but my forever
is non-existent. My forever is almost
gone.
The day I finally gave into my
true feelings. The day I faced you… I
faced us. I realize that I would give
anything for that one moment to last forever.
I remember thinking, ‘Please let it always be now.’
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through
Disappointment is what I
expected. I was certain that you
wouldn’t forgive me, but you did. You
surprised me… shocked me. You held onto
me and you didn’t let go. You believed
in our love. You trusted in it.
You shouldn’t have to do
this. You shouldn’t have to spend a
lifetime regretting the choice you made when you chose me. You shouldn’t have to spend the rest of your
life alone because of me, yet you choose to be. You chose me. You chose
to believe in our love until the end of time.
Loneliness will ensue one day
and when it does I’ll watch over you and try to guide you. It will hurt me not being there to hold your
hand for all of your triumphs and tribulations but I’ll forever be in your
heart. As life hands you challenges and
setbacks, I’ll be there to support and encourage. As life shows you joy and jubilation, I’ll be there in spirit, to
laugh and celebrate.
And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all
You're still you
That first day… the moment you
told me… “I love you.” My life
began. How could I not love you? You are after all… you.
You… Always… Forever… You.